I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have aggressive nipples.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
