Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
