I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
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I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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