Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
