I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
