its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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