I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
