I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
