We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
