New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
