I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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