i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He passed out mid-signature
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
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The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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