M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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