I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize