She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
