Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
