You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
this is an emotional support booty call
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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