My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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