You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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