Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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