hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
