Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
