Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
