Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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