I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
