Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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