I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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