I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
