it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
