Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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