fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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