You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
