I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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