the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
