i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
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Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
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I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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