The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
