The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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