I got chris browned last night
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
