Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
