I will die if light touches me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
