I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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