Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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