No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
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