I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
