What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
