come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
