I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
