just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize