im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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