I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
