everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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