so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
