I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it's like heaven, but drunker
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
