I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
