I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So many bounce houses so little time
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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