This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
