Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
