3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize