I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
