My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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