all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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