Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I want a musical about memes.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
