I need help removing her.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
