i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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